The Learning Space Blog

One Key to a Healthy Relationship

There are two types of disappointment. One that can come from fusion in a relationship which is more likely to create critical interactions between people, and one that can come from differentiation which may create more empathy in the relationship. Read more....   Read More

Filed under Bowen family systems theory

New Year, New You: 3 strategies to help you stick to it

Whether we like to admit it or not, a new calendar year feels like a fresh start, a new opportunity, a clean slate.  We may deny its significance because it is kind of cliche, after all.  New gym memberships skyrocket, new diets are researched, new apps for budget planning are downloaded with high hopes of change and permanent improvements.  But most of us start and stop, experience ...   Read More

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I had a client come in today describing a very typical “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” scenario he had going on with his wife.  He described his wife as difficult and volatile, and he would do anything to avoid expressing his thoughts and opinions about any subject matter beyond the kids’ schedules so as to avoid the intensity of her reaction.  His perception is, if he doesn’t say a ...   Read More

The Key to Loving in a Different Way

So what does it mean to "hold space" for someone else?  “It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control” It sounds ...   Read More

What Does It Take To Observe Self In Your Own Family

Do you find yourself wondering what makes you avoid family relationships? Do you wonder, what is going on, why is so and so upset or picking fight or will not return phone calls, etc.?  What are people trying to tell you?  What must you do to figure out relationship issues? How can I see who is influencing me and how am I influencing them?  How do any of us become more self-defined? ...   Read More

Filed under Bowen family systems theory

Training Animals is Simple but My Family is Falling Apart

 How is it that families fall apart but dogs can be well trained?  What does the founder of 'clicker' training, an observation- based approach to shaping animal behavior using positivie reinformcement, have to say about human relationships?  Read more.     Read More

Filed under Family

The Wei of Triangles

Would it be useful to see how dominance behavior emerges in a triangle?  It is easy to see the two person social system, as above, and far more challenging to see the family as a unit where the two against one triangle emerges. Can it be that triangles are an automatic “whatchamacallit” scapegoating thing?  Read more.   Read More

Bullies, Worries – Mindsets and the Family Projection Process

Can understanding how family projection works in society and in the mental health field give us any advantage? Remember, this knowledge has been around for almost sixty years now and doesn’t seem to have been influential on the societal level. In family systems theory, each individual in the system has a mind set which in some way can inhibit or reinforce the bully’s mindset and behavior. In a ...   Read More

Navigating in Social Systems: The use of social interactions around illness and death

Adaptation and other Relationships Shifts The death or the illness of a family member are the most obvious times when families are required to change and adapt to the coming and going of its members. How the ongoing social group interacts during these periods can be subtle or dramatic. Some families pull together and can function at high levels while others fall into chaos. What is the difference ...   Read More

Societal Reaction to the Killing of Nine People in Charleston SC: Are We Blindsided by the Emotional System?

These ideas were generated by the first summer session for Navigating Systems and Murray Bowen’s Concept of Societal Regression. Each day we are bombarded by the difficulties we as a society face: random violence, wars, mass migrations, acts of terrorism, senseless murders, posturing politicians, our decreasing attention span, increases in autism, breakdowns in relationships and many other ...   Read More

Filed under Bowen family systems theory