The Learning Space Blog

One Key to a Healthy Relationship

There are two types of disappointment. One that can come from fusion in a relationship which is more likely to create critical interactions between people, and one that can come from differentiation which may create more empathy in the relationship. Read more....   Read More

Filed under Bowen family systems theory

New Year, New You: 3 strategies to help you stick to it

Whether we like to admit it or not, a new calendar year feels like a fresh start, a new opportunity, a clean slate.  We may deny its significance because it is kind of cliche, after all.  New gym memberships skyrocket, new diets are researched, new apps for budget planning are downloaded with high hopes of change and permanent improvements.  But most of us start and stop, experience ...   Read More

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I had a client come in today describing a very typical “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” scenario he had going on with his wife.  He described his wife as difficult and volatile, and he would do anything to avoid expressing his thoughts and opinions about any subject matter beyond the kids’ schedules so as to avoid the intensity of her reaction.  His perception is, if he doesn’t say a ...   Read More

The Key to Loving in a Different Way

So what does it mean to "hold space" for someone else?  “It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control” It sounds ...   Read More

The Illusion of When the Relationship Dance Becomes War

What if the anger we felt toward another was all just an illusion? Maybe we are never really mad atimages-3 someone else, but instead, at ourselves for the way we are reacting to them. It’s a little mind bending when you are looking at a picture and you think you know what you are seeing only to feel your eyes and brain shift to seeing something completely different. I had my own ah-ha moment a few ...   Read More

The Burden of Expectations Creates Two Faces

I recently had a conversation with a young women, who seemed very concerned that she was one way with her friends and colleagues — light, fun and dynamic and a different way with her husband — withdrawn, cranky, timid and on edge.  Of course her automatic inclination was to blame her husband for this.  She pointed out that he was too critical of her, he was mean at times, she was never ...   Read More

The Importance of Premarital COunseling

Glennon Gordon is interviewed by Washingtonian magazine on the importance of premarital counseling.   Read More

Muses: Reflections on Affairs

AFFAIRS…..Sometimes people need the fantasy life to keep the real life going. Is this bad? Perhaps that’s not the right word. Complicated? Yes. Especially if you don't know this is what you are doing. If you 'fall' for the fantasy life as if it's real, you have fallen in to a place that is very difficult if not bordering on impossible to recover from. I wonder if those who keep the fantasy ...   Read More

Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Marriage

This week I have been working with a lot of couples who are hell bent on attempting to change their spouse by complaining to them over and over and over. I suppose this isn’t such a far-fetched idea. If you pound a nail into a piece of hard wood over and over again, eventually it will sink in. What really happens if we continually give our spouse the smack down in hopes that something will sink in? ...   Read More

Filed under Family

On Resiliency

the following is the presentation Glennon gave at the recent Resiliency in the Family & the Brain learning forum.... Families are emotional units…big, moving and shifting emotional units. It is these people who we are deeply connected to, who love us and whom we love, that are the key to our survival in this big, unpredictable and scary world. Human beings are relationship-oriented beings ...   Read More

Shhhh, shut up and just listen

What does it mean to really listen when your spouse or partner is talking? I will tell you right now the majority of you are doing one or all of the following when your spouse is talking: Thinking about unrelated topics Judging Coming up with your defensive position Having an inner argument about what to say or not Searching desperately for the best advice to give ...   Read More

Filed under Family

The 'Take the Day Off of Easy' Challenge: Are You In?

I was about to start a spinning class the other day when I ran into a friend of mine in front of the gym spin room. She explained how she had done spinning for years but gave it up because she had begun “cheating.” In spin class, you have a choice of how hard you want your workout to be and she had begun opting for the easy workout. It was time for her to move on to where she would be held more ...   Read More

Filed under Brain and physiology

The Art of Keeping Marriage Healthy: Five Ways of Strengthening our Partnerships and Families

1. Always work on Self - Pay attention to and pursue your own life goals. - Know your own sensitivities and take accountability for how your functioning effects the system. Questions: How much time do you spend thinking about yourself and your own life goals versus thinking about those of the people around you? How does your functioning contribute to the current situation? What does operating as ...   Read More

Filed under Bowen family systems theory, Family