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Muses: Reflections on Affairs

AFFAIRS…..Sometimes people need the fantasy life to keep the real life going. Is this bad? Perhaps that’s not the right word. Complicated? Yes. Especially if you don't know this is what you are doing.

If you 'fall' for the fantasy life as if it's real, you have fallen in to a place that is very difficult if not bordering on impossible to recover from. I wonder if those who keep the fantasy life in that category knowingly if it can remain as such. Why do some need the fantasy to keep the real? Serotonin levels? Too difficult to be so serious? Attention issues? Boredom with the reality? Not wanting to grow up? To get old?

What about those second younger wives? What really happens to those who succumb to the fantasy? Does it work out in the end? Can it? At the expense of the kids for sure. The good old fashion growing- apart-and-divorce-happens before either person meets someone else. Is this better for the kids? Does anyone do this? They'd have to detach from the fusion to be alone. I think very few people are willing to take that risk. I say the majority of people who divorce do it with someone waiting in the wings. All very interesting to me. I suppose there is not one answer even though I wish there was. But this is the complicated nature of humans, relationships and life.

1 comment for "Muses: Reflections on Affairs"

Mercy Russell Hyde says:

Hi Glennon, Interesting elementary reflection on marital disruption that challenges easy ways of thinking about leaving a marriage. In my personal experience, people may leverage the fantasy of a better spouse as a way to take action in an unhappy marriage. However, the likelihood of this outside relationship materializing is low. And maintaining the marital conflicts in divorce is a common way of avoiding the loneliness of detachment from the fusion. However, I think there is more variety in what affairs and divorce represents in the family system emotional process than students of Bowen theory think. There is a lot of divorce in my multi-generational family, clearly the preferred symptom path. However, the benefits of stepparents and their emotional and physical resources is an interesting outcome. I have found it more difficult as time passes to see all divorces as failures. Best, Mercy

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